Surprise! I'm alive....this thing on?

Hi.

I took a break from blogging, was that not obvious?  I don't think I'll ever do a blog challenge again, I wasn't expecting to get so burnt out.

I have been surprisingly busy.  Most of my summers are spent laying by a pool working on my tan, but this summer has been one family function after another.

I moved.  Lost my ipod in the move, that was most devastating.  I still haven't recovered.  Our new place is awesome though.  I hardly see my kids anymore, they are busy running amock in the backyard.  We've met a handful of our neighbors and I often find myself wondering if they think I am as nuts as I think they are.  Folks are interesting, that's for sure. 

The Mother in Law came for a visit.  I thought about killing her daily.  Most thoughts involved me setting her on fire.  The Hubs has yet to show me where he hid the matches.  She is one crazy ass bitch and I've got 2 new rules to add to my "house guest rules".

• I don't share any sort of eating utensil with anyone.  Don't take it personally when I don't want to eat off the same spoon as you.  Crying about it only hurts you, and I mean this quite literally, you cry and your beady eyes get even beadier and that caked on makeup smears, its not a pretty sight. 
• As a guest in our house you are welcome to tuck the small children into bed, but never, never, ever, never tuck myself or The Hubs into bed at night.  My door was locked for a reason and the next time you bang on my door while screaming about tucking us in, will be the last time.  There are only so many places he could have put those matches and I will find them.

This next one will surprise most of you, but I also made my first batch of sangria (this is the surprise), it was delicious and I drank it all by myself (not surprising).  What is also not surprising is that I made the sangria while the MIL was here

It will also come as a surprise, but I am planning on going camping (in a tent) at some point this summer.  One of my little sisters bought into the timeshare we belonged to as kids and has invited us up.  I am nervous, but also really excited.  I have some great memories and am looking foward to showing my kids where I played every summer as a child.

Until next time.

Jenn 

Z....Zip code...fingers crossed it be changing

When we moved back to the Bay Area from Sac we found a quick & cheap rental in the form of an apartment.  It has worked fine for us for the past 3 years, but recently, we are feeling a bit cramped.  The rental house search has started.

Those around here know just how tight of a rental market it is.  We put in an application for a house and are waiting to hear, if out of hundreds, (maybe not quite hundreds, but pretty damn close) we get to move in.

Keep your fingers crossed for us.  We need a new zip code!

Y....I'm a Yes Mom

I've had my kids for a number of years now, in that time, they've learned that there are certain questions they can ask me and the answer will always be YES.

Can I have a snack?  YES!

Growing up because there were so many of us, snacks were few & far between, my folks planned meals and you had to wait for those meals.  I'm a snacking kind of gal, I eat smaller meals and snack in between.  That lifestyle didn't work for when I was a kid and now that I support myself I am able to eat as I please.  I do that with my kids.  You're hungry, go have a snack.

Can we watch a movie on the big tv?  They notice a slight hesitation from me and immediately follow up with Can we watch Pirates on the big tv?  YES  

I am a sucker for Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean.  They have learned that I can't watch just one of those movies.  I have to start with the first one and finish with the third.  ( We own the 4th, but I don't have to watch that one).

Can I lay with you?  YES

One day my girls aren't going to like me very much, it at all.  I always allow them to lay with me in bed for a few minutes.  That short amount of time gives us a chance to talk uninterrupted and most times I learn something new.

What about you?  Are there certain questions you'll always answer with a YES?   

X...X-Rated

I have always been a huge reader.  I've mentioned before that my Aunt started me off on Beatrice Small, her novels aren't the tamest and I really can't believe she let me read them as young as I was. 

So for you, I've put together a short list of my favorite X-Rated books! 

Nicholas, take a moment, click on that link and then come back.  Holy mother, I love everything about that cover!  You know just by looking at it that reading it is going to be a great time.  I don't know if the author meant for it to be funny, but I find it hysterical.  Nicholas, as the title implies, is a Satyr.  Once a month with a full moon his lower half transforms into a goat and he grows another wanger and all kinds of fun things happen.  If you enjoy phrases such as "frilled labia" or "cinnamon ring" you'll enjoy this book.

Randi Alexander, Randi is a new to me author and boy am I glad I found her!  Her cowboy erotics are pretty short, but totally satisfying.  Randi also gets bonus points for being readily available to her readers.  She is always on Facebook and replies back when a reader comments.  I love that in an author!  Her Cowboy Stud was the right amount of naughty and nice.  I loved it!

Unleashed and Rock Me, both by Cherrie Lynn.  These are both great reads for the newer to X-Rated readers.  I have them classified as erotic on my Kindle, but they are both pretty heavy on the romance.  I'd say more heavy on the romance than the sexy time, but the sexy time is so hot that I have to call it X-Rated! 

I'd love to hear your recommendations!  Anyone have any good dirty books I should be reading?

W...Where are they now?

I grew up in relatively small area; the city itself was large, but the neighborhood that helped form me was pretty small.  I have lost contact with all the kids I grew up with.  Sure, I’ve got a couple of them as “friends” on Facebook, but, we don’t talk other than to “like” each other’s status.  A relationship it is not.   

I’ve got a couple of people that I’d love to at least know what happened to them.  Sure, I could go to a high school reunion, but honestly, I’d rather stab myself in the eye.  The area I grew up in was not known for being the “nice” part of town.  There was a definite trailer park gang, you were either in it or not (not in my case), lots of teen pregnancy, lots of drugs, lots of fights.    It was a struggle to get away (not for me, I RAN), but I’m sure that some are still stuck there.

I wonder about the boy I got my first crush on.  We were in kindergarten and I loved his puffy little cheeks.  I wonder about the girl who had the bad eye, I’d hope that she eventually got whatever that problem was corrected.  I wonder about the girl who lived directly behind me.  Her name was Beth, her mom was a single parent, we’d pick apples in her backyard.  I actually saw Beth once about 13 years ago, it was at a gas station, she was fucked up.  I mean that literally, I don’t know what drugs she was on, but holy shit, talk about a hot mess.

I wonder about the girl I hated too.  She was the trailer park bully.  We were the same age, but she was so much bigger than I was.  I was happy when she jumped off a swing & broke her arm.  I wonder if she’s still a bitch.  Maybe she’s in jail.  That wouldn’t surprise me much.  

What about you?  Grow up with anyone you now wonder about?  

V...This one time in Vegas...

I admit, I am so cheating with this post, but come one, I wrote the original so long ago nobody remembers the gloriousness of my favorite Vegas trip!  Because I love ya and because today is all about V, I give you, the best VEGAS TRIP EVER.

Any of you ever been to the Thunder?  Oh, I so recommend it.

How ya' doing?  Still with me.  Wipe the drool we're not done yet.

My sister got our tickets and holy crap.  We were right there, front & center.  There was so much happening on our table, those beefcakes give you your money's worth, junk is all in your face.  I think one in our party might of bit one of the beefcakes.  No, it wasn't me.

My favorite part of the show was the MC.  He was a fireball.  Funny, smoking hot, just delicious.  I could have taken just a show with him alone.

Oh, wait, I did.

In one part of the show they are calling for volunteers.  Not me, I am not one to volunteer.  I'm hooting & hollering though, just because.  I wasn't really paying attention to my sister though.  Turns out I should have.  She's got some lungs on her, that one.  Lungs that the MC took notice of, cause he turns to her and she points to me.  Oh, yeah, my little sister volunteered me to get on that stage.  I've got a good buzz going, so I jump up, (might have crawled over some ladies) to get up there with his hotness.

Holy shit.  On stage with all that going on.  This girl could hardly contain herself.  Literally, I'm up there on that stage, crowd's going wild, the bright lights are on me.  Crazy.

Then we get told what we are volunteering for.  We've got to put on a show.  A show of our best FAKED orgasm.  Um, yeah, fake an orgasm ON STAGE.  In front of his hotness.  In front of a crowd full of drunk ass women.

Volunteer # 1 goes up, she's an amateur.  It was ok.  Not really believable.  I'm laughing hysterically.

Volunteer # 2 goes up, again, she's just not giving it her all.  I'm still laughing hysterically, think I might be deficient of oxygen in parts of my brain at this point.

Volunteer # 3 goes up.  The MC puts his arm around her waist, she's got a grip on him that the jaws of life wouldn't be able to cut thru.  He smells so good, like Irish Spring Soap.  He says something to # 3, but she's still busy laughing like a complete crazy lady at this point, the oxygen in her brain has been replaced by Irish Spring Soap and Aussie hotness.  She starts breathing real heavy like, eye lids get real heavy, Aussie hottie is gripping her more firmly now and then # 3 loses it.  She forgot to the whole FAKING part and let one loose right there on that stage.  No joke.  Have you ever been on total sensory overload?  I have, one time, on stage at the Thunder from down Under.  I ended up on my knees, my face all in his hotness's crotch area (yes, it smelled awesome).  He pulls me up and looks at me, and I'm just a puddle at this point.  It's kinda quiet in the room now (this could be completely inaccurate, a bomb could have gone off in the room, but I wasn't hearing a thing), I think folks are a little aware that I just lost my shit on that stage.  The MC looks at me and says, "Wow, your mom would be so proud right now".  My sister jumps up and says, "She is, she's right here!!!"  I have never laughed so hard in my life.  My mom was so red she was purple.  I'm laughing as I type this.  

Volunteer # 4 goes, we all laugh, she wins blah, blah, blah.

I however, was ok with that.  I walked out feeling very much relaxed, with a calendar and mouse pad.  The rest of the evening is a bit of a blur.  I know we continued with the walking around & drinking.  I was now a bit famous, lots of random strangers coming up to congratulate me.  I got some plastic penises thrown at me at one point.  Think I put those in my pocket, but again, it's a bit hazy.

It was an epic Vegas trip and I know I'll never have one that even comes close to surpassing it in absolute greatness!

How 'bout you?  Got any amazing Vegas stories you're willing to share??

U...NOT Under Pressure

U has been hanging over my head all month long.  The little notepad I've been using all month long has been nearly mutilated by the number of times I've taken it out to make notes.  Poor, lonely letter U.  It's been left empty all month.  The only thing popping in my head today when I think of U is "Under Pressure".

The funny thing is, I'm not under any pressure at all.  Nothing.  Work is fine, home is fine, family is fine.  Nobody demanding my attention.  Really, I should be thankful for this (in some ways I am), but on the other hand, I'm not under pressure, I get lazy.

Also, I really enjoy this song.  Can't type "under pressure" without thinking of it.